Explanations of All the Seemingly Incongruous Catholic Stuff In Our Life

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17774329.post-1143335221580102632006-03-26T09:34:00.000-08:002006-03-27T10:23:05.766-08:00Explanations of All the Seemingly Incongruous Catholic Stuff In Our LifeRecent commenter H. writes, I have to ask why you have put your children in a Catholic school? I feel so bad for your little guy that he has had to change countries, languages, cultures and schools. Now it seems like he is caught between religious beliefs as well. I have been following your posts on <a href="http://standupandspeakout.blogspot.com/">standupandspeakout</a>. You seem to have your own issues with the Church and seem to be fighting your own religious wars, so I wonder why you would put your little ones on the *front lines* in a religious school? I have to wonder if part of the problem isn't the disdain you seem to have for Church teaching? Plus, you have said that your husband is not supportive at all about their religious education. I don't want to sound hard, but I do have some real concerns about your situation if you don't all get on the same page somehow. It is something to think about... Excellent questions, H. ! I`ve answered many of them on this blog before, but it`s about time I answered them all in one place and put it over there under, "About This Blog." In order: I have to ask why you have put your children in a Catholic school? Long story here. When we were preparing to move to San Francisco from Tokyo, we had to make a lot of quick decisions about where to live, and where to educate the kids. After some discussion about moving to San Mateo, where Hub`s predecessor lived, we decided to live in the city instead, for exactly the same reasons we lived in the center of Tokyo: our love of urbanity, and convenience. We wanted to put our children in a school that resembled their wonderful neighborhood public school in Tokyo, which was 1) very small; 2) had cultural, ethnic and socioeconomic diversity; and 3) had a close community of involved, committed parents. We also preferred that our kids attend a school within walking distance of where we would be living, to strengthen our ties in our neighborhood. We looked into public schools, but San Francisco has a convoluted lottery system. Our move was planned for July, by which time it would be "open enrollment," meaning we`d have to scurry for places that remained after all the rounds of the lottery were complete. A very nice counselor at the Unified School District`s Educational Placement Center told me they couldn`t guarantee to place both a third grader and a fifth grader at any school of our choice. She kept asking me, "Can`t you just move over here four months earlier?" This made me realize what kind of odds we were up against. I also looked into Catholic schools, and visited the two closest to the house we would be renting. The first one had 2 classes of over 30 kids in each grade and no foreign language program. It was farther away, in a more upscale part of the neighborhood, and looked very, um....white. When I asked if they had any remedial programs for kids behind in English, they told me they couldn`t accept our kids at all, if they weren`t up to grade level. So I scratched that one. Then I visited the school in our parish, a few blocks away from our future house. It had only one class of 25 kids or fewer in each grade, and a Spanish language program. It was in a traditionally working-class neighborhood, and had a very diverse student body. The school administrators told me they would be happy to accept two kids who were behind grade level in English, and would do their best to help them acclimate. Big Son has had some problems adjusting, but overall, I would say they have. As for the religious aspect, I want to teach my kids about the religion in which I was raised. Hub isn`t wild about it -- it makes him a little uncomfortable, but he doesn`t oppose it, either. I feel so bad for your little guy that he has had to change countries, languages, cultures and schools. Now it seems like he is caught between religious beliefs as well. He always was. This is nothing new in our life. It`s all part of growing up in an interracial, interfaith, international, bilingual family. We`re not the first family to be in our situation, and I`m sure we won`t be the last. And thanks to H. and everyone else who`s been concerned for our little guy -- he`s been doing much better lately. He`s decided he`s an athiest because God doesn`t make logical sense to him, but I decided exactly the same thing when I was his age, so he`s right on schedule. You seem to have your own issues with the Church and seem to be fighting your own religious wars, so I wonder why you would put your little ones on the *front lines* in a religious school? I`ve blogged <a href="http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.com/2005/10/latae-sententiae.html">about why I left the Church</a>, as well as <a href="http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.com/2005/10/long-post-about-something-sad-that.html">what prompted me to decide to raise the kids Catholic after all</a>. As for "fighting" my own "religious wars," I`ve never thought of it that way. My internal back-and-forth is more like <a href="http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.com/2005/11/in-cafeterium.html">a friendly spiritual arm-wrestling match</a>. "Front lines" implies some sort of battleground for my kids` souls, which doesn`t describe our particular school. It is certainly a Catholic school -- make no mistake about that. But it welcomes students from all different backgrounds, from families running the gamut from devout to "cafeteria." And about a fifth of the students aren`t Catholic at all. I have to wonder if part of the problem isn't the disdain you seem to have for Church teaching? Sorry if it seems like "disdain" to you -- I`m a natural smart-ass, so I`m sure it does come off this way sometimes. I have great respect for the Church`s teachings, even several with which I do dissent. Remember -- I was Catholic before I was anything else. Long before I was a feminist or an environmentalist or a free-trade and free speech fanatic, I was a newborn baby in a white lacy gown, getting water splashed on my forehead. Since I learned the Catholic point of view first, it became the lense through which I saw everything else. Some of my later views are in direct contradiction to Catholic doctrine, and I don`t attempt to reconcile them, as some other people do. For instance, is it possible to be a good Catholic, and not be pro-life? I`m not sure. Since I`m not pro-life, I have to accept that this means I might never be a good Catholic. You have said that your husband is not supportive at all about their religious education. I don't want to sound hard, but I do have some real concerns about your situation if you don't all get on the same page somehow. Not only are Hub and I not on the same page -- we aren`t even browsing in the same bookstore, and I don`t think we ever will be. Yes, it`s true that Hub is a little freaked out by Christianity in general, because his only early exposure to them was comprised of earnest young missionaries looking for converts. He has a bit of a "church allergy" -- he has accompanied me to mass exactly once since we moved here, and as soon as it was over, he ran away as soon as he could, like a vampire from garlic. Racial, cultural, and religous consistency within a family is great, because it makes everything very simple. But you know, sometimes, people from totally different worlds meet and mate. It is our particular challenge -- and responsibility -- to make sure our offspring are exposed to the best of both our worlds, not the worst. We`re taking it all day by day. How else can we approach it? Okay, I`m off to church now -- alone. I could probably make everything a little easier by staying home, and never going at all. It would sure be consistent -- but would it be better?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17774329-114333522158010263?l=thehomesickhome.blogspot.com'/></div>L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13437332749627332216noreply@blogger.com16