Note in Little Son's backpack today
Hi --
(attached to a flyer for a public facility that offers free mental health services)
This is a place that some of our families have used for counseling. I'm wondering if counseling would help Little Son with the adjustments he needs to make now with all the changes at home.
I've been working with him and talking with him a lot about behavior. He is hitting and kicking often and he does not listen to us as well as he used to.
Just thought you might want to think about this.
Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher
----------------------------------------------
It's not that I have anything against counseling -- it sure helped Big Son, and in the past it sure helped me.
But....why drop this bombshell in a note, when I pick my kids up in person every day? Today, Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher smiled and said hello and could have spoken to me, but chose to let me find the note in the backpack instead.
And when did these problems start? Perhaps it would have been helpful to know about his behavioral problems before we decided to live apart from Hub so we could stay at this school for another year, and signed a lease, and even moved to another house?
I have not been blogging regularly, so I haven't bitched about all of the people who have told me that they think I am making a mistake, and will regret it because my children will suffer without Hub around.
I try to ignore the naysayers, because Hub and I knew we were dealing with a set of crappy choices. No matter what we did, there would be a big downside and people would tell us we were making a mistake.
But this note just made it harder.
(attached to a flyer for a public facility that offers free mental health services)
This is a place that some of our families have used for counseling. I'm wondering if counseling would help Little Son with the adjustments he needs to make now with all the changes at home.
I've been working with him and talking with him a lot about behavior. He is hitting and kicking often and he does not listen to us as well as he used to.
Just thought you might want to think about this.
Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher
----------------------------------------------
It's not that I have anything against counseling -- it sure helped Big Son, and in the past it sure helped me.
But....why drop this bombshell in a note, when I pick my kids up in person every day? Today, Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher smiled and said hello and could have spoken to me, but chose to let me find the note in the backpack instead.
And when did these problems start? Perhaps it would have been helpful to know about his behavioral problems before we decided to live apart from Hub so we could stay at this school for another year, and signed a lease, and even moved to another house?
I have not been blogging regularly, so I haven't bitched about all of the people who have told me that they think I am making a mistake, and will regret it because my children will suffer without Hub around.
I try to ignore the naysayers, because Hub and I knew we were dealing with a set of crappy choices. No matter what we did, there would be a big downside and people would tell us we were making a mistake.
But this note just made it harder.
posted by L. at 4:02 PM
9 Comments:
You made the best decision you could, and you're doing the best you can for your children. That's all you can do. No one thinks this is easy, and if they do, they can come walk a mile in your shoes.
Hang in. It won't always be like this.
You know your family and your kids better than anyone, and you and Hub are trying the best you can with some bad circumstances and imperfect options.
I think it was kind of chickenshit of Little Son's teacher to use a note, and it makes me wonder if she has low self-esteem or is afraid of confrontation. Or maybe is passive-aggressive. I would confront her straight away to get more information and also to send a message that you won't be shamed into silence by notes tucked into a backpack.
If you weren't seeing her every day, I'd say a note is okay. But WTF?! She *sees* you. You see her! What's wrong with a little, "Hey, Mrs. Homesick Home, can you stick around for a few moments so we can talk?"
Sheesh.
Things will settle down.
I'm going to go the other direction with the note and ask if there is any chance she was hoping to not make a big deal out of it in front of any of the kids? Some people are quite opinionated about counseling and maybe she was also wanting to keep your affairs out of earshot of other parents?
Now that you have the note, however, I think you are entitled to ask the question of why it was sent like that - and maybe to let her know that if it is enough to go home as a note, perhaps it is important enough to warrant a call or an in person discussion.
In the end, you will all be ok, but I'm sure the trip to get there will be filled with lots of adjustments. But it doesn't seem you have any choices but to proceed just as you have. You'll all make it!
Geez, w/all the communication options open to her (face-to-face, for God's sake, undoubtedly being the OPTIMUM! but telephone? email? passenger pigeon?) -- choosing to place a note in a backpack (you're way ahead of me, bcz I don't check MY son's backpack every day!) was a piss-poor choice...
Who knows, maybe she does suffer from low self-esteem/fear of confrontation etc...so you can give her the benefit of the doubt there?!? "When you're going through hell, keep going!"
I'm with bbourderr. I think she was just looking for a more private way to bring up the matter, rather than doing it in front of other children and parents. Getting this kind of news is upsetting, no matter how it is delivered. I wouldn't be mad at her. Her intentions are good and her concern is for your child and your family, but it does hurt to hear it, I'm sure. You are doing your best in crazy circumstances! Hang in there!
I can understand not bringing it up in front of other kids but couldn't she have sent a note saying "call me please"?
Or done it sooner?
As I was fond of saying on that forum where we met, you are the only one who can decide for your family. Sometimes you just have to choose the best of lousy situations.
If one of my children's teachers sent a note home like that I would be extremely angry, but I would also try to jump to any conclusion and give him/her the benefit of a doubt. Of course, I would immediatly talk to him/her and express my displeasure at this method of communication while giving the teacher a chance to explain her actions as well as what is up with the kid.
Seems to me maybe she was trying to keep it light, so to speak. Saying that they have noticed some problems lately and that maybe this would help, while trying not to make it sound like she is saying she thinks your son is nuts and should be put in counseling ASAP, you know?
I reckon the teacher needs counselling. ;-/
Post a Comment
<< Home