Almost Worth It
It was almost -- ALMOST -- worth all the angst of facing another international move with children, to hear Hub say," You can't quit your job. We need your income."
May I just say, this was a breakthrough moment. He has never admitted as much before. He has never acknowledged that I work for the same serious reasons he works: not just because I like it (and I happen to like it very much), but for the longterm financial security of myself and the family at large.
I started crying on the phone, thinking, "I can't quit my job again." I have quit two jobs to follow Hub on these international transfers. [For those of you coming late to my blog -- Hub works for a Japanese government organization, and when we were transferred to SF, we figured we would be here about four years, or maybe even a little longer, since that's the average length of overseas postings. So the move back is not a surprise, but the timing is very unexpected.]
Hub came home and the first thing he said was, "You can't quit your job."
This was in sharp contrast to the last two times, when he said, with a slightly panicked look in his eyes, "You have to quit your job!"
So I'm not going to quit my job.
If Hub can't talk his organization into keeping him here another year (a remote possibility, but one worth trying), I will stay here as planned with the kids, until the spring of 2009.
I miss Tokyo -- my friends, our apartment, and my old job, which I can probably get back.
During my low points in San Francisco, which I haven't always described on this blog, I seriously considered more than once just packing up the kids and going back, and saying, "Bye, Hub! See you in a while! We'll visit!"
What stopped me? The kids.
I would love to have moved back to Tokyo YESTERDAY, but I know it is best for all three kids if we stay here through the spring of 2009. Big Son can graduate with his new friends, Daughter can return to Japan just in time to start middle school, and Little Son can start first grade.
Little Son's birthday is in April, when the Japanese school year officially starts, so he just misses the cut-off point for first grade in 2008.
And Little Son is a kid who is SO READY for school. Except for the minor behavioral stuff, he has been absolutely amazing in kindergarten. I don't want to pull him out of academic school for a year, while he waits to be old enough to start Japanese school.
So maybe Hub will go, and I will stay another year and a half, as planned.
This, um.....really sucks.
Any ideas, anyone?
May I just say, this was a breakthrough moment. He has never admitted as much before. He has never acknowledged that I work for the same serious reasons he works: not just because I like it (and I happen to like it very much), but for the longterm financial security of myself and the family at large.
I started crying on the phone, thinking, "I can't quit my job again." I have quit two jobs to follow Hub on these international transfers. [For those of you coming late to my blog -- Hub works for a Japanese government organization, and when we were transferred to SF, we figured we would be here about four years, or maybe even a little longer, since that's the average length of overseas postings. So the move back is not a surprise, but the timing is very unexpected.]
Hub came home and the first thing he said was, "You can't quit your job."
This was in sharp contrast to the last two times, when he said, with a slightly panicked look in his eyes, "You have to quit your job!"
So I'm not going to quit my job.
If Hub can't talk his organization into keeping him here another year (a remote possibility, but one worth trying), I will stay here as planned with the kids, until the spring of 2009.
I miss Tokyo -- my friends, our apartment, and my old job, which I can probably get back.
During my low points in San Francisco, which I haven't always described on this blog, I seriously considered more than once just packing up the kids and going back, and saying, "Bye, Hub! See you in a while! We'll visit!"
What stopped me? The kids.
I would love to have moved back to Tokyo YESTERDAY, but I know it is best for all three kids if we stay here through the spring of 2009. Big Son can graduate with his new friends, Daughter can return to Japan just in time to start middle school, and Little Son can start first grade.
Little Son's birthday is in April, when the Japanese school year officially starts, so he just misses the cut-off point for first grade in 2008.
And Little Son is a kid who is SO READY for school. Except for the minor behavioral stuff, he has been absolutely amazing in kindergarten. I don't want to pull him out of academic school for a year, while he waits to be old enough to start Japanese school.
So maybe Hub will go, and I will stay another year and a half, as planned.
This, um.....really sucks.
Any ideas, anyone?
posted by L. at 10:59 AM
13 Comments:
No ideas at all.
And to think I came over to wish you a Happy Birthday.
Wow...that's a tough one. Don't suppose that there's any way to transfer your position...? Not that you wouldn't have thought of that.
Wish I could be more helpful - as it is, I'll keep my fingers crossed that Hub can somehow put off the move.
sweetisu
No idea.. asking them to postpone his going-back date would be the best, especially considering what you said about the kids' school schedules.
Other than that, I hope you have lots of frequent flyer miles stored up.
I am the queen of long distance relationships. They're survivable, keeping an end in sight.
My main advice is to try to see each other every 3 months, if possible. Logistically difficult, probably unrealistic, but I find after 3 months, it's really hard. (Haven't seen my hubs since end of August--but he's coming next week. Pardon me while I dance a jig.)
Skype. Lots of phone calls. Emails.
I just discovered this site last month and found some of the ideas / suggestions helpful--at the very least in validating my own feelings about the difficulties of LDR.
http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm
Good luck whatever you and Hub decide. Tough decisions.
Could you work remotely for your current employers?
Living in Japan is my current big dream, so I'm very happy for you that you get to go back. :)
No ideas, but WOW that is a bombshell. I'll be reading with interest to see what happens. Also, it is good to get the kind of affirmation to know that he knows you're so needed. But still. All fingers crossed for you here!
I missed the previous post... wow...
if you can handle being here w/o Hub, maybe give it a go.
it was hard moving here with one about ready to graduate but he's doing well and it was a good move.
not easy, but good.
thinking of you...
I really feel for you. I've had a lot of unexpected stuff dropped on me this year, and know that in many ways the shock is the worst of it all.
This is a really obvious suggestion, but I assume you've contacted your old employers in Tokyo? Would you go back with your husband if they had a job for you, despite all else?
Otherwise...hmm. Really rough. From what you've said it seems that, failing postponing the move, staying might be best for the rest of the family -- but of course you'd be apart, so that isnt very good. A rough, rough place to be in. Good luck.
That's a lot to balance - your family, your job, your kids' education. Sheesh! Many hugs to you!
Other than talking the powers-that-be at Hubs' job into postponing the move back... crap. This really sucks. My thoughts are with you guys.
I'm sorry about the news. That truly sucks. On the other hand, I think your decision to stay until spring 2009 is a good one for your children. It's ridiculous the choices Japanese organizations expect their families to make...
Holy crap L. You are sooooo effing organized. I can't imagine thinking all of those details through, school year by school year. Man I guess I know again you really are Mother Superior.
Correction.. you were sooo organized.
What a bomb.
Hey L. I came to your site via BloggerChicks. Please shoot me an email. My good friend lives up here in Tahoe with me and just left for SF yesterday to stay with her MIL for two weeks. She is from Tokyo, too, and has two little ones. I am sure she would love to meet for tea or something. Her husband travels all the time, and she would probably love to "talk home" with you. notafraidtouseit@gmail.com I think she is very homesick for Tokyo right now, too.
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