Honor, Duty and Booty
Hub`s not home yet, so I can`t ask him any of your questions.
Instead, I will regale you with this troubling tale:
Next month, I will be chaperoning the alter server/traffic duty/choir picnic for our school. It`s at a beach, and everyone tells me it`s a really fun event for chaperones.
If it`s a nice warm day, I will want to go swimming myself. However, I decided out of courtesy to clear this in advance with my kids.
So I tried on my most modest, flattering swimsuit, and asked them, "Hey, can I wear this in public in front of your friends?"
Daughter looked up and shrugged and just said, "No matter what you wear, please try to stay far away from me and my friends, okay?" and went back to reading her book.
Poor Big Son looked stricken. "Mom......," he mumbled, "it`s.............your butt."
"What about my butt?"
"I don`t want to have to fight!"
"WHAT?"
"If someone says my mother has a fat butt, I`d have to fight them, and I don`t want to fight!"
The expression on Big Son`s face was not one of amusement -- he was more serious than I`d ever seen him.
"You would fight someone if they said I had a fat butt?"
"Of course I would! You`re my mother!"
I didn`t know whether to be touched that my nonviolent son would fight to defend my honor....or mortified that he fears he would be called upon to do so, if I wore a swimsuit in public.
"I have an idea!" he said suddenly, his face brightening. "You can go on a diet before the picnic!"
Ah..... thanks, but I think I`ll just roll up my jeans and dip my feet in the surf.
That way I can just turn around and kick the shit out of any punk who makes fun of my butt.
Instead, I will regale you with this troubling tale:
Next month, I will be chaperoning the alter server/traffic duty/choir picnic for our school. It`s at a beach, and everyone tells me it`s a really fun event for chaperones.
If it`s a nice warm day, I will want to go swimming myself. However, I decided out of courtesy to clear this in advance with my kids.
So I tried on my most modest, flattering swimsuit, and asked them, "Hey, can I wear this in public in front of your friends?"
Daughter looked up and shrugged and just said, "No matter what you wear, please try to stay far away from me and my friends, okay?" and went back to reading her book.
Poor Big Son looked stricken. "Mom......," he mumbled, "it`s.............your butt."
"What about my butt?"
"I don`t want to have to fight!"
"WHAT?"
"If someone says my mother has a fat butt, I`d have to fight them, and I don`t want to fight!"
The expression on Big Son`s face was not one of amusement -- he was more serious than I`d ever seen him.
"You would fight someone if they said I had a fat butt?"
"Of course I would! You`re my mother!"
I didn`t know whether to be touched that my nonviolent son would fight to defend my honor....or mortified that he fears he would be called upon to do so, if I wore a swimsuit in public.
"I have an idea!" he said suddenly, his face brightening. "You can go on a diet before the picnic!"
Ah..... thanks, but I think I`ll just roll up my jeans and dip my feet in the surf.
That way I can just turn around and kick the shit out of any punk who makes fun of my butt.
posted by L. at 10:20 PM
8 Comments:
oh man. your kid would defend your butt? that's kinda sweet. but funny. and diet? hmmmm....
(first to comment, kickass!)
I...don't know what to say. It IS sweet...but...yeah. My oldest kid is still in kindergarten...my diet starts tomorrow :-)
That is...sweet. And harsh. All at once.
I say wear the suit and go swimming!
Have you ever tried swimming in the pacific around here? You won't be swimming anyway, trust me. Even in Santa Cruz it's barely tolerable. Brrrr.
How tragicomic.
Motherhood is so painfully sweet.
Well, you asked. So cute. Both of you!
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