Poor Crabby Hubby
Today is the day -- our wedding anniversary, that I wrote about last week.
Hub is away all day today, in Los Angeles, leaving early this morning and expected to return home after midnight.
"I`ll make it up to you," he said. "We`ll go out on Saturday -- your choice! Wherever you want to go!"
"Oh, great," I said. "Our school fundraiser crab feed is Saturday, and I already bought tickets for us and asked Trista to babysit, because I know you love crab."
Heh heh heh..... I am soooooooo evil.
You see, Hub is a bit antisocial. He gets offended when I call him that, because he`s a good Japanese boy who is always painfully polite around people. But the truth is, at any given moment, he would rather be home with the kids, or even all alone, watching his old Japanese movies, or Japanese TV comedies on YouTube, or listening to his rakugo CDs.
Our school crab feed will be difficult for him to endure, on so many levels.
For one thing, Hub finds it a chore to speak English. Now, Hub`s verbal English is quite excellent -- in fact, he can speak extemporaneously to large assembled groups with no notes. He is often called upon to do so for his job, which is promoting investment into his country. He meets with English-speaking business people nearly everyday, and has dinners with them many nights. In fact, he gives the outward appearance of being very comfortable in all social settings.
Inwardly, however, he is wishing that he was at home, taking a bath with Little Son and then watching Akahige for the forty millionth time, with the older kids gathered around reading their manga. Nothing makes him happier than a domestic scene like that.
So the idea that he has to spend his precious Saturday night speaking English to people he doesn`t know well is a bit....well, less than desirable. Plus, he has to actually set foot on Church property to do this, which he avoids doing. Perhaps he`s worried that lightening will strike him dead one of these days for all his jokes about his wife trying to brainwash his kids into her cult?
"It will be fun. We`re sitting at a table with all our friends," I told him.
"All your friends," he corrected.
"They`re all great people. They could be your friends, too," I said, though I knew this was futile.
Language isn`t the only issue here -- some of it is just Hub`s nature. Even in Japan, where he was exponentially more involved in our social life than he is now, I was far more involved than he was. I, the non-Japanese spouse, was the one joining all the neighborhood matsuri committees, going on the onsen trips with the neighbors, and pounding the mochi, while Hub stayed home much of the time.
In fact, I suspect one reason Hub married me was the he knew it would be useful to have an extroverted, involved wife who would satisfy all of our Japanese social obligations, and get him off the hook. That, and my cooking.
Sorry, Hub. And happy anniversary to you, even though I know you never read my blog.
Hub is away all day today, in Los Angeles, leaving early this morning and expected to return home after midnight.
"I`ll make it up to you," he said. "We`ll go out on Saturday -- your choice! Wherever you want to go!"
"Oh, great," I said. "Our school fundraiser crab feed is Saturday, and I already bought tickets for us and asked Trista to babysit, because I know you love crab."
Heh heh heh..... I am soooooooo evil.
You see, Hub is a bit antisocial. He gets offended when I call him that, because he`s a good Japanese boy who is always painfully polite around people. But the truth is, at any given moment, he would rather be home with the kids, or even all alone, watching his old Japanese movies, or Japanese TV comedies on YouTube, or listening to his rakugo CDs.
Our school crab feed will be difficult for him to endure, on so many levels.
For one thing, Hub finds it a chore to speak English. Now, Hub`s verbal English is quite excellent -- in fact, he can speak extemporaneously to large assembled groups with no notes. He is often called upon to do so for his job, which is promoting investment into his country. He meets with English-speaking business people nearly everyday, and has dinners with them many nights. In fact, he gives the outward appearance of being very comfortable in all social settings.
Inwardly, however, he is wishing that he was at home, taking a bath with Little Son and then watching Akahige for the forty millionth time, with the older kids gathered around reading their manga. Nothing makes him happier than a domestic scene like that.
So the idea that he has to spend his precious Saturday night speaking English to people he doesn`t know well is a bit....well, less than desirable. Plus, he has to actually set foot on Church property to do this, which he avoids doing. Perhaps he`s worried that lightening will strike him dead one of these days for all his jokes about his wife trying to brainwash his kids into her cult?
"It will be fun. We`re sitting at a table with all our friends," I told him.
"All your friends," he corrected.
"They`re all great people. They could be your friends, too," I said, though I knew this was futile.
Language isn`t the only issue here -- some of it is just Hub`s nature. Even in Japan, where he was exponentially more involved in our social life than he is now, I was far more involved than he was. I, the non-Japanese spouse, was the one joining all the neighborhood matsuri committees, going on the onsen trips with the neighbors, and pounding the mochi, while Hub stayed home much of the time.
In fact, I suspect one reason Hub married me was the he knew it would be useful to have an extroverted, involved wife who would satisfy all of our Japanese social obligations, and get him off the hook. That, and my cooking.
Sorry, Hub. And happy anniversary to you, even though I know you never read my blog.
posted by L. at 11:00 AM
10 Comments:
Happy anniversary!
During coffee recently, a friend was reflecting on her own marriage, saying she probably made a mistake it marrying a man who is as shy, backward, and general socially lazy as she is. She said for 15 years, they have continued to be pissed off at each other because neither is willing to take charge of their social lives. As a result, they sit at home complaining that they have nothing to do.
Opposites should attract, it makes life far more interesting.
Ai-yi.
My spouse never reads my blog either (I hardly post, so that's not a surprise, I guess) and I just find it the strangest thing. How could he not be curious?
I'm wondering whether you speak English or Japanese at home, since you both sound really fluent in both. Just bein' nosy.
Trope, Hub and I are the ultimate lazy inernational couple: most of the time, I speak English to him, and he replies in Japanese. We each speak our respective language to the kids, so that they hear both.
Happy Anniversary to both of you.
If they weren't both such stay at homes, my hub and yours would get along famously. They could each have their own t.v. or Ray would happily watch samurai movies.
Never a word would be spoken.
Happy Anny. Hey, at least you didn't marry a salaryman who goes boozing with the boys?
But the key thing is you seem to understand each of your boundaries, and that's cool.
Happy Anniversary!
My husband and I are both introverts - sometimes it's lovely, but other times it's a big pain in the ass...
I'm getting married to my introverted partner of ten plus years in a couple of months. We're having a small gathering in a local restaurant. No more than 40 or 50 guests.
That's my take. Whereas I'm expressing glee at the thought of a cozy gathering of 45 people, he's blanching at the thought of 'being crowded in with all those people'.
Heh. But he knows HE was the one who wanted a wedding. I wanted a couple of witnesses and a JP. Go figure.
Happy Anniversary!
Happy (belated) anniversary!
I'm definitely more of your hub's ilk - and I'm always grateful that M.'s there to do all the socializing for me.
Hope you enjoyed your crab feed! Go somewhere romantic, just you two. ;)
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