A Discipline Problem That For Once Doesn`t Concern My Kids!
Today I heard about something that happened at our school.
It happened in the seventh grade, where Wonder Number Woman, the math teacher, is the homeroom teacher. She`s extremely religious (rumored to be an ex-nun) and very tough, but is an excellent teacher. In fact, she`s Big Son`s favorite teacher.
Wonder Number Woman said she heard a girl in her class swear, and gave her a detention. I don`t know the girl or her parents very well -- I`ve heard she`s a decent kid who gets good grades and isn`t known for causing problems.
The girl went to her detention without protesting, and is also supposed to write an essay about not swearing. Later, she told her parents that she hadn`t sworn, and the teacher must have misheard her on the crowded playground. But the girl didn`t want to make a fuss, and intended to write the essay, and move on.
The parents did not want the girl punished for something she said she hadn`t done. They met with Mr. Principal today, to tell him what their daughter had said. According to the mother, Mr. Principal said to them, "It`s your daughter`s word against the teacher`s word, and in cases like this, I always believe the teacher."
I had trouble stifling a laugh. Can you imagine, Mr. Principal ever saying something like that to OUR family? He sure seemed more than willing to believe every bad thing Big Son said about Huggy Nun last year! No, the truth is, Mr. Principal only takes the side of his good teachers, not his bad ones.
The Principal refused to compromise, even though the girl had already sat through a detention she said she didn`t deserve. She still has to write the essay, he said.
The girl`s parents said she would be writing it about how bad swearing is and why people shouldn`t do it, without including any mention that she had done it, because she hadn`t.
What would I do, in the parents` situation?
I know the teacher is not a bad teacher, but even good teachers make mistakes. I understand that good principals generally support their teachers, and don`t cave to parental pressure. But I also know that so far Big Son has been a butally honest kid, and if he ever said he didn`t do something, I would believe him. I would not want him punished for something he insisted he didn`t do.
I would probably give him the choice: either write the essay, to minimalize the fuss and move on, or I would allow him to refuse to write the essay, and accept the consequences. The consequences for standing up for himself in that case would likely be a suspension.
So I would allow him to get suspended, if standing up for his principles were important enough to him.
See what kind of parent I am? I literally would not care if my kid had a suspension on his record -- I would put the life lesson first.
Twice in my life I have given notice in jobs, with no next job lined up yet. For different reasons, I could not stand to work at those jobs anymore, and I was prepared to face the consequences (lack of income, a hole on my resume, etc.). One time, I was accepted at graduate school, and the other time, I was hired by a much better company, for a much better job, but I know it might not have worked out like that.
What would you have done?
It happened in the seventh grade, where Wonder Number Woman, the math teacher, is the homeroom teacher. She`s extremely religious (rumored to be an ex-nun) and very tough, but is an excellent teacher. In fact, she`s Big Son`s favorite teacher.
Wonder Number Woman said she heard a girl in her class swear, and gave her a detention. I don`t know the girl or her parents very well -- I`ve heard she`s a decent kid who gets good grades and isn`t known for causing problems.
The girl went to her detention without protesting, and is also supposed to write an essay about not swearing. Later, she told her parents that she hadn`t sworn, and the teacher must have misheard her on the crowded playground. But the girl didn`t want to make a fuss, and intended to write the essay, and move on.
The parents did not want the girl punished for something she said she hadn`t done. They met with Mr. Principal today, to tell him what their daughter had said. According to the mother, Mr. Principal said to them, "It`s your daughter`s word against the teacher`s word, and in cases like this, I always believe the teacher."
I had trouble stifling a laugh. Can you imagine, Mr. Principal ever saying something like that to OUR family? He sure seemed more than willing to believe every bad thing Big Son said about Huggy Nun last year! No, the truth is, Mr. Principal only takes the side of his good teachers, not his bad ones.
The Principal refused to compromise, even though the girl had already sat through a detention she said she didn`t deserve. She still has to write the essay, he said.
The girl`s parents said she would be writing it about how bad swearing is and why people shouldn`t do it, without including any mention that she had done it, because she hadn`t.
What would I do, in the parents` situation?
I know the teacher is not a bad teacher, but even good teachers make mistakes. I understand that good principals generally support their teachers, and don`t cave to parental pressure. But I also know that so far Big Son has been a butally honest kid, and if he ever said he didn`t do something, I would believe him. I would not want him punished for something he insisted he didn`t do.
I would probably give him the choice: either write the essay, to minimalize the fuss and move on, or I would allow him to refuse to write the essay, and accept the consequences. The consequences for standing up for himself in that case would likely be a suspension.
So I would allow him to get suspended, if standing up for his principles were important enough to him.
See what kind of parent I am? I literally would not care if my kid had a suspension on his record -- I would put the life lesson first.
Twice in my life I have given notice in jobs, with no next job lined up yet. For different reasons, I could not stand to work at those jobs anymore, and I was prepared to face the consequences (lack of income, a hole on my resume, etc.). One time, I was accepted at graduate school, and the other time, I was hired by a much better company, for a much better job, but I know it might not have worked out like that.
What would you have done?
posted by L. at 3:59 PM
7 Comments:
L., I applaud you and your principles (careful, not trying to make a pun).
I'm a wuss in those kinds of situations, and I'd probably have done what the parents did. M., on the other hand, would be much more likely to do what you would do; he takes his principles very seriously. It's one of the things I admire most about him.
rumored to be an ex-nun
Ha! I knew it would be good when I read that - my elementary principal was the same way...led to some funny happenings. Then she got married and even meaner...
That's such a subjective situation...but if I really believed my kid I think I would explain the possible consequences of taking a moral stand in detail and urge the kid to consider doing the essay as requested UNLESS they were supposed to admit fault in it; in that case I would have them do it without that detail and attach a letter from me explaining that choice to the teacher. I would be friendly in the letter, and thank the teacher for the opportunity to teach my child an important lesson about idealism vs. realism, and what it means to accept the consequences of one's choices in life be they linguistic or moral. Then I would thank them in advance for accepting this EXCELLENT essay that I had permitted my child to write WITHOUT the admission of fault, because it is my job as a mother to side with my child if it is their word vs. someone else's
If the teacher refused to accept the essay at that point then they would be acting like a total asshole and I would go over their head.
Funnily enough I was just working in pre-K classroom when a little boy who was snack helper dropped the pile of napkins he had been doling out and went "SHIT!" in front of myself and two other teachers, as well as a group of snacking three-year-olds. I was standing less than three feet away at the time, and the room was relatively quiet; the child was not talking at the time and only said the one word, so the cheese stood alone. Both other teachers yelled "WHAT DID HE JUST SAY???" in unison at the same time as the child began shouting that he hadn't said anything, and a couple of the three-year-olds said "Awwwww...!"
The boy's mother insisted when I informed her of her son's inappropriate word choice and subsequent loss of snack-helper privileges that I must have mis-heard him saying "shoot." I assured her that was not the case, and so did one of the teachers who had been present, who was also there when the mom came to pick her child up. "Oh, well then he must been running his words together," mom said. I explained that he had not been talking at the time. "Then I guess he was just making random sounds without knowing what they meant!" she said, without missing a beat. I explained that he had immediately looked up and me and shouted "I DIDN'T SAY IT!"
In this case, the child in question came running up at that point and said "hi Mommy I'm sorry I said a bad word today!" The mother looked daggers at me for some reason.
I'm with you.
I was recently reviewing some video filmed by my 11-year-old niece at a family party where there were balls flying through the air and kids running and screaming. Periodically the video would readjust as though she'd just nearly been hit, and I'd hear her say something that sounded like "shit." I listened to it more than once. I thought it was funny, and told my sister. Turned out I was completely wrong; what I heard was the tail end of my niece saying "action." When I listened a third time that seemed clear, and I was a little embarassed. I'd never claim to be "sure" what a child said again.
I'm with you on this one. Who gives a crap if you finished school if all it taught you was to bow to pressure from authorities who are just plain wrong and abusing their powers to boot, even well-meaning ones.
I hope I'd do what you would. I'm with you.
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