We`re on a cautious upswing here.
Okay, this trend might not last, but I`m going to enjoy it as long as it does.
Big Son had three good days in a row at school this week so far, and today, he asked if he could go into the after-school program to be with his friends until 5:00. At the beginning of the year, I signed both him and his sister for this, even though I`m not working, just in case A) I went back to work, and/or B) they wanted to hang out with their friends there after school.
I peeked in, and he was doing his reading homework with the other boys.
"Wow," I said to the after-school care worker, "He`s doing his reading homework!"
She gave me a look that said, "Yeah? So?" Obviously, she doesn`t know the extent of Big Son`s problems, and therefore doesn`t understand how simply wanting to play with classmates and doing reading homework without a struggle, like a normal boy, are causes for rejoicing.
Huggy Nun was waiting for me in the schoolyard. She has started giving me a daily written report on Big Son`s progress in her class -- this week`s has so far consisted of three smiley faces.
"He had a rough start in the morning," she said, "but then I said to him, Don`t give me a hard time today! You are giving me a headache! Do you understand? And he was fine after that."
Hey, Huggy Nun is definitely onto something there. Those are words Big Son understands, because he hears them often... from his mother. Don`t give me a hard time! Don`t give the nuns a hard time, or it will make your life worse! You know, you are really giving me a headache, and that will make me even meaner, so STOP!
It only took Huggy Nun seven months to figure out that the words, "You are a bright boy and you could do the work if you really wanted to" were not having any effect.
But if there`s one thing that Big Son intuitively understands, from his experience with migraines, it`s that you don`t give people headaches, or everyone will suffer.
Big Son had three good days in a row at school this week so far, and today, he asked if he could go into the after-school program to be with his friends until 5:00. At the beginning of the year, I signed both him and his sister for this, even though I`m not working, just in case A) I went back to work, and/or B) they wanted to hang out with their friends there after school.
I peeked in, and he was doing his reading homework with the other boys.
"Wow," I said to the after-school care worker, "He`s doing his reading homework!"
She gave me a look that said, "Yeah? So?" Obviously, she doesn`t know the extent of Big Son`s problems, and therefore doesn`t understand how simply wanting to play with classmates and doing reading homework without a struggle, like a normal boy, are causes for rejoicing.
Huggy Nun was waiting for me in the schoolyard. She has started giving me a daily written report on Big Son`s progress in her class -- this week`s has so far consisted of three smiley faces.
"He had a rough start in the morning," she said, "but then I said to him, Don`t give me a hard time today! You are giving me a headache! Do you understand? And he was fine after that."
Hey, Huggy Nun is definitely onto something there. Those are words Big Son understands, because he hears them often... from his mother. Don`t give me a hard time! Don`t give the nuns a hard time, or it will make your life worse! You know, you are really giving me a headache, and that will make me even meaner, so STOP!
It only took Huggy Nun seven months to figure out that the words, "You are a bright boy and you could do the work if you really wanted to" were not having any effect.
But if there`s one thing that Big Son intuitively understands, from his experience with migraines, it`s that you don`t give people headaches, or everyone will suffer.
posted by L. at 3:30 PM
12 Comments:
Amazing how powerful a change in words can be. :)
Glad to hear things are going better. I've been a silent reader for some time. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you that these good moments lasts a long, long time. :D
I'm the kind of person who usually says "don't talk about it!" when something is going right, because then you might run the risk of jinxing it.
But fuck that. Viva la upswing!! Whoo hoo!
ahh I head sighs of rlief coming over the cyber air.
Let's not jinx it! I hope that his good days continue to keep coming. :)
Truth, is I just wish HN would go awaaayyy. She give me a headache, ya know.
Hmmm. I might try that line someday.
It's progress! I hope this is only the beginning of a steady improvement from here on in.
How on earth did she come by the term "Huggy"? She sounds absolutely the last thing from huggy.
Much better. Has she stopped hugging now and just doing smileys?
Yay! Glad the lines of communication are finally open. I agree that the headache is probably the key word. Lots of empathy there. :)
Now, I've read that comment from Huggy Nun like three times and it still kind of bothers me- just because there are nicer ways to say things, but at the same time at least she changed her sentence and it helped him improve his day!
That's wonderful that he chose to go play with his friends after school, and got homework done at the same time!
I am really happy to hear that things are going better! :-)
LOL when he is older you will have to share with him what his magic words were he will get a big laugh out of it.
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