Signed, Sealed and Delivered
The letter was sent yesterday. Hub thanks everyone who thought he wrote it all himself -- his English isn`t anywhere near that nuanced. He insisted on getting in the anti-Catholic jabs, which I managed to tone down, but the rest of the words were mine.
Big Son gave his copy to Huggy Nun, and I had another copy for the principal, who was out today. Later in the day, I got a call from the Vice Principal, who said she discussed the letter with Huggy Nun. She said we will get our conference as soon as they can arrange it.
I do not think it`s any coincidence that Big Son`s "Trouble with Nuns" started around the time the nuns found out from their Mother Superior that they will be leaving our school at the end of the year to be reassigned somewhere else. This must make them feel very unsettled, and perhaps there are issues I don`t even know about -- their attitude has definitely changed from November, when Big Son was settling down and doing much better in Huggy Nun`s class.
I`m not a traditionally religious person, and I don`t even pretend to be a devout Catholic. But I am trying very, very hard to remember what I think are some of the most profound words in the Bible -- "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
I still do not think Huggy Nun is malicious -- I think she simply does not know the extent to which she is tormenting Big Son. She is doing her best, in the only way she knows how. She has been a teacher for decades, and is only doing what has worked for the majority of students she taught. Flexibility is not her strong point -- she can`t adapt to the needs of the minority, and Big Son, with all of his adjustment problems, just doesn`t fit in with her way.
I had to see Huggy Nun, face to face, when I went to pick up the kids. I could have copped out and sent our au pair, but I figured I had better get it over with.
She came up to me and said, "I thought explained everything to you when I talked to you yesterday."
Well, I said, my husband heard the story from Big Son, and decided to call a conference. There have been too many problems. We need to think of solutions.
Okay, she said.
Okay, I said.
She didn`t hug me.
Big Son gave his copy to Huggy Nun, and I had another copy for the principal, who was out today. Later in the day, I got a call from the Vice Principal, who said she discussed the letter with Huggy Nun. She said we will get our conference as soon as they can arrange it.
I do not think it`s any coincidence that Big Son`s "Trouble with Nuns" started around the time the nuns found out from their Mother Superior that they will be leaving our school at the end of the year to be reassigned somewhere else. This must make them feel very unsettled, and perhaps there are issues I don`t even know about -- their attitude has definitely changed from November, when Big Son was settling down and doing much better in Huggy Nun`s class.
I`m not a traditionally religious person, and I don`t even pretend to be a devout Catholic. But I am trying very, very hard to remember what I think are some of the most profound words in the Bible -- "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
I still do not think Huggy Nun is malicious -- I think she simply does not know the extent to which she is tormenting Big Son. She is doing her best, in the only way she knows how. She has been a teacher for decades, and is only doing what has worked for the majority of students she taught. Flexibility is not her strong point -- she can`t adapt to the needs of the minority, and Big Son, with all of his adjustment problems, just doesn`t fit in with her way.
I had to see Huggy Nun, face to face, when I went to pick up the kids. I could have copped out and sent our au pair, but I figured I had better get it over with.
She came up to me and said, "I thought explained everything to you when I talked to you yesterday."
Well, I said, my husband heard the story from Big Son, and decided to call a conference. There have been too many problems. We need to think of solutions.
Okay, she said.
Okay, I said.
She didn`t hug me.
posted by L. at 9:35 AM
18 Comments:
Wow. Damn, L., that's some fine writing there. That must have been (Jen is projecting here) incredibly difficult to walk into that classroom and have her come up to you like that. I am so proud of you, I could [not] hug you.
It's a move in the right direction. She has to listen to someone eventually.
As a square peg myself, I identify much more closely with your son than I do with huggy nun. Some people just can't change and she's followed "rules" all her life. If a regimented life works for her, why not for everyone. She doesn't seem to see beyond the end of her own nose.
Just an opinion. Feel free to ignore.
I made a positive decision btw. More on email at some point.
I think you guys did the right thing. Hopefully HN won't take it personally. You all just have to make some sort of changes so that the most important person here, Big Son, is happy.
glad that the letter has been sent, and you are very generous towards HN, giving her the benefit of the doubt as to her teaching methods. that is a very Christ-like thing to do...
also glad she kept her arms to herself...
Good to have got the letter in. "Not good with the minority" .. yep HN is quite the Catholic in her intransigence on this point.
Now the conference... As p-man said it is really admirable how you and Hubs are going to the mat for him with 'the man'.. or in this case 'the sister of the man'
God bless.
I mean how you and Hubs are going to the mat for Big Son, of course. Nice parenting you two.
Good Mama and good Papa too.
YOu are right by the way to keep the bigger picture in mind about the whys behind this is happening.
I am in awe. That letter was so well written and you and Hub's whole approach is to be admired.
You've got a whole bunch of out here supporting and praying for all of you.
Sometimes a counter attack (element of surprise) that will throw HN off balance and surprise her: you could hug her!
- Jerry
Good Lord--this is the LAST TIME I miss an entire week of your posts.
Never again.
BTW--The letter was great! Quite restrained, yet very matter-of-fact.
I know your son knows what wonderful parents you both are. I fnot now, he will when he is older.
I have about had my fill of Huggy Nun. Uck. She is awful. Big Son is fabulous. He is yours. He is full of life. He is precious. How about a Waldorf school? Pagan to the core and fully indulgent to each child's needs. I'd hug you both if I could.
she didnt hug you!!
huge step in the right direction. good luck!
She isn't getting it. Explaining it to you isn't enough. Saying to you that your son is spoiled is........ is horrible and doens't address any problem what so ever. She needs to adjust her attude....... I don't care if she is a angel from G*d himself I really don't, your son needs to be care for in the time that he is with her and in that school. Not punished like he is a demented tortured evil soul. EVERYTHING that you have written about your big son makes me think that he is a smart careing loving human being.... maybe too smart for some people, he sounds creative and has an enormously great sense of humor...... WHY would you want those qualities to change? HE doesn't want them to. I hope your hubbyman can help straighten out this nun person or else take him out of that class with her and let him have a private tutor in english or something. School shouldn't be hell.
Without a doubt, you are very open-minded person by putting yourself in HN's shoes and not thinking her behaviour is malicious.
By understanding where she is coming from, you'll go to that conference without anger and with solutions the first and only thing on the agenda. No need for anymore "explanations" from HN.
Good luck.
If you put a CD in a CD player and it won't play, you put another one in to see if it works. If the other CD plays, then the problem is with the first CD.
Big Son is like the CD player. Huggy Nun is the CD that isn't working. The math teacher (et al) is the CD that works. Since he's learning in his other classes, the problem is not with Big Son, but with Huggy Nun.
That letter absolutely had to be sent. You did the right thing...it's not fair for someone to project their misery on other people, just because they're miserable.
I have been amazed by your restraint in all this. I am still new to this parenting thing but every time I read your stories, I want to march up to Huggy Nun and stick a pair of chopsticks up her nose.
I am glad you sent the letter and I hope some moves actually get made to resolve this situation which has obviously gone on too long already!
I really don't want to sound like a bigoted person, but I have to say that your stories about HN remind me of something.
When I was a college student, I worked as a cook for one summer at girl scout camp, and the other cook was an older Filipino woman. She was earning money and sending it to her family back in the Philippines. At first we got along okay (we even had to share a cabin), but pretty soon, she became really horrible to me. She did the same types of things your HN does. Very covert, vague, sarcastic, mean, condescending. We fought so much that I had to move out of the cabin, but we still had to work together every day. She was nice to everyone but me. I thought I was going crazy.
Then, one of my best friends went to the Philippines to work for a mission, and she had to work and live with a group of Filipino nuns for two years. She assured me that I was not crazy! She explained that she had very similar problems and that many filipino women are this way.
Have you thought about pulling him out of school for this year and homeschooling him or hiring a private tutor? I think you need to remove him from the situation. It's not a bad reflection on you and your parenting if you do this. You would be protecting your son at such a fragile time in his life.
I've been keeping up with this part of your story for some time, and the same awful phrase keeps popping up in my mind: "She's trying to break his spirit." Probably not, as you say, with malice aforethought; rather, along the lines of a wrangler tying to break a wild horse to the bridle, wanting it to have a long, protected, useful life. But your son is not a horse, and the qualities HN is trying to train out of him -- creativity and independent thinking -- are going to be far more useful in his future, than they ever have been in her past.
Basically, I think you are dealing with a clash of worlds here, as well as a battle of wills. The will part is easy to see; I strongly suspect that your son is functioning for HN as a symbol, a final project in her long career, and that is why her focus on him is so strong. But think: in her world, there is NO problem that cannot be dealt with, ultimately, by submission to a higher authority. She must honestly believe that by teaching him her own greatest and hardest lesson, she is giving him her best. She is brutally, tragically wrong. His needs and his world are different.
It is just possible that the appearance of your husband may drive into her, finally, that this child is *foreign* -- that the English your son speaks has been distracting her from the fact that she does NOT understand his situation, nor he hers. Which could provide a breathing space for a few months. But she is going to need to redefine him in some way, in order to change the way she's been treating him in public.
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