Deep Thoughts
Big Son has been sleeping in a sleeping bag next to my futon lately. We have always played "musical beds," and now that we have a bigger house with more sleeping options, the game has gotten even more interesting. We often all end up sleeping in one room, as we did in Tokyo.
Last night, before he fell asleep, Big Son said, "Mama? I don`t believe in God."
I asked, "Why?"
He said, "Because if there really was an all-powerful God, why did he let Jesus die? Why did he let my friend Nobu die? It doesn`t make any sense."
I don`t think I gave him the Vatican-approved answer. I just said, "Yeah, that`s a tough one. It`s good you`re thinking about these things, and it`s up to you what you decide you believe in your own heart and mind."
Big Son is 10. I was about a year younger than he was when I started really asking questions like that. But I had been immersed in the whole Catholic thing since birth, whereas he`s just getting into it, so it`s interesting that his doubts have arrived on roughly the same schedule.
How do you explain to a kid that for some people, faith equals belief, while for others of us, it`s more like the conscious suppression of disbelief?
"You know," I said, "I don`t really think of God as a person. It`s more of a feeling to me. You know the feeling you get when you`re outside on a beautiful sunny day? Or when you`re with someone who loves you?"
But he was already asleep, and snoring gently.
This morning, I asked him if he remembered what he said right before he fell asleep.
"Yeah," he said. "I said I didn`t believe in God. If God is supposed to be so good, why did he make nuns?""
"So much for Catholic school," said Hub, ever the good Buddhist.
Yessir, that`s our boy!
Last night, before he fell asleep, Big Son said, "Mama? I don`t believe in God."
I asked, "Why?"
He said, "Because if there really was an all-powerful God, why did he let Jesus die? Why did he let my friend Nobu die? It doesn`t make any sense."
I don`t think I gave him the Vatican-approved answer. I just said, "Yeah, that`s a tough one. It`s good you`re thinking about these things, and it`s up to you what you decide you believe in your own heart and mind."
Big Son is 10. I was about a year younger than he was when I started really asking questions like that. But I had been immersed in the whole Catholic thing since birth, whereas he`s just getting into it, so it`s interesting that his doubts have arrived on roughly the same schedule.
How do you explain to a kid that for some people, faith equals belief, while for others of us, it`s more like the conscious suppression of disbelief?
"You know," I said, "I don`t really think of God as a person. It`s more of a feeling to me. You know the feeling you get when you`re outside on a beautiful sunny day? Or when you`re with someone who loves you?"
But he was already asleep, and snoring gently.
This morning, I asked him if he remembered what he said right before he fell asleep.
"Yeah," he said. "I said I didn`t believe in God. If God is supposed to be so good, why did he make nuns?""
"So much for Catholic school," said Hub, ever the good Buddhist.
Yessir, that`s our boy!
posted by L. at 1:03 PM
15 Comments:
I don't what's funnier...the Boy's crack about nuns? or Hub's?
MFA MAMA WAS HERE!!! Big Son sounds like a smart cookie, to be debating theodicy at such a tender age. XOXOX and I do so read you, but can't remember my own name half the time anymore. Yours in abject senility, MFA Mama
HAHAHAHA! I love your kid!!! That is brilliant.
And I think that your answer was also perfect.
I will admit that I am anti-organized religion BUT am a very spiritual person. The belief in a higher power is a personal feeling that fills you up. IT doesnt need a name. but that is just my opinion.
I have conversations like this with my kids all the time now. But my kids seem to be on the side of God, despite their heathen mother and public schools.
Sorry, I've never had a really good answer. He did hit on that timeless question: "Why did God create nuns?" (For readers who don't know me, I am a Catholic priest.)
Is there a God? The best answer that I have is that God is a learned experience and everybody has different experiences in life.
For me, I understand God as a person. But, L., I can understand your view. "...conscious suppression of disbelief" - - that is a new one for me!
As I consider getting back into active ministry, this is an important question to deal with. Let me think more about it and I may write a blog post.
Further comment.
As a priest the worst times that I've had have been standing with a parent whose child has just died and I hear the question: "Why did God let that happen?"
One time I was so surprised when a mother asked me that question and then a moment later she said: "But I am so glad that God gave her to me for the last three years."
That is the only answer that has ever made sense: to be happy about the time that we did have with the person who died.
Well, JW, I got to the point where I was doubting so much that I finally asked myself, what DO I believe in? And what can I say I do not actively disbelieve? I consider my natural skepticism a divine gift -- it certainly made me a better reporter.
I figure Big Son`s opinions on this subject are still forming. I am personally happy that at least he`s thinking about these things, and not just believing because someone told him to believe.
(But I will never tell his teacher that after just 4 months in her religion class, he decided he was an athiest!)
That is a beautiful and humorous post.
Not that it matters, but the first time I got the strap, the punishment was delivered by a nun, or a catholic sister, or some other type of de-sexed (presumably) female person wearing a bag and a wimple and a stern expression. Ever since then, I don't know how to say it, I LIKE nuns, you know?
Your son is a very beautiful person. Intelligent, wise, and with an excellent sense of irony. I hope he manages to retain his independent thinking and gentle wisdom. Hugs to him.
Isn't the point of catholic school and the catholic religion to teach us to dislike nuns and priests?
Okay I'm sort of kidding. I know the value of a spiritual community and it's attractions. I think it is directly related to my exposure to Catholic church as a child that I now belong to the Unitarian Church.
I think you are on the ball about how you handle this with your son.
yep he sounds right on time.... better not bring him around me and J. we are very......er anti catholic and our sacasm might have a negitive effect. :) Just wait until he runs into some of the hard stuff like.... if G*d only made Adam and Eve then why did Cain have to wear a symbol on his forhead to protect him from what people while he wandered around? If Noah was the only raft that saved humanity then.... eeeewwwwww look at who had to marry who, why are there so many versions of the bible..... hehehehehehe see I am a bad influence. But you on the other hand are ALWAYS welcome. I am fine ... heck I am better...... sort of scary better I haven't told anyone how much better I am yet because I just woke up and last night I was worse not better so ....... so I donno what to do.... I am so much.... what if it doesn't last???
I've been catching up and just read your last three entries--what a busy week you have had!
I am glad I have a few years before I have to start discussing religion and other heavy topics. It is so hard to try to explain faith to children when they are so concrete and literal at that age.
Thanks for the tip about peanut butter. The only McGuyver tip I know is that hairspray removes ink stains on clothes. Too bad I don't buy hairspray anymore!
Lemon does too Misfit Hausfrau.... and I bet you still have some lemon around.... and I know this because I went to a teachers couch and drew all over it in pen and then had to clean it all off.... I was a bad kid.... very very bad.
My four-year-old is starting to ask some specific God-related questions, but luckily he's young enough that I don't really have to answer him that fully. I have *my own* questions about this stuff; I have no idea how I'll respond when he's older and can see through my distraction techniques. I think you handled Big Son really well.
I like the line about supression of disbelief. That was true for me for so many years, until I gave up and headed for my buddhist tendencies.
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