Explanation of Title, and Cast of Characters
You know, this is damn hard to read. This white on black is hard on the eyes. I know I can change it, but..... maybe for a while I should just play the hand I was dealt when I randomly selected a blog format, the way I`m playing the rest of the hand life randomly dealt me.
We now live in San Francisco, after leaving our home in Tokyo three months ago. Hence, my title -- "Homesick Home." We are all homesick here. Or rather, most of us are -- ironically, my Japanese husband (to be known as "Hub") isn`t homesick at all. He`s zipping around in his Saab, loving his job, eating at expensive sushi bars in Sausalito while I`m eating turkey dogs with the kids. Big Son is 10, Daughter is 8, and Little Son is 3. I thought about calling them "Big Brother, Sister, and Little Brother," to describe how they relate to each other instead of to me. But "Big Brother" conjures up 1984 images, and "Sister" would get confusing, because the older two now go to Catholic school, and I`m sure I`ll be writing here about some of the nuns.
Hub told me he`ll be reading my blog, but I don`t believe him. Before quitting my job to follow him on his overseas job transfer, I was a journalist. As far as I know, in 15 years he only read one of my articles, and it happened to be a Wall Street Journal story with a typo in the headline -- Tokyo was mispelled "Toyko." Their fault, not mine -- but so much for the clip.
Big Son misses Tokyo the most. He calls his best friend almost every week. He has trouble with the homework because he reads behind grade level in English (he attended a public elementary school in Tokyo for the past 3 years). He claims all of the kids in his new class hate him, although some of the mothers of the other boys have told me otherwise and I always hear boys saying hello and goodbye to him. But he is angry and frustrated about suddenly leaving his old life, and I can certainly relate, because I feel the same way. He is miserable, and wants everyone within a 10 mile radius to be miserable, too.
Daughter loves her new school. She misses her old friends, but they`ve already been replaced with new friends. Her English is even worse than Big Son`s, and yet this doesn`t bother her -- she just smiles sweetly and asks someone to help her read whatever she can`t. She will go through life getting men to buy her drinks, diamonds and yachts. I was not at all like her, when I was 8. I have trouble understanding her sometimes -- what do I do with a kid like this? All I can do is love her, and hope for the best.
Little Son is stubborn but good-natured. He thinks he`s equal to the other two, and doesn`t understand why he doesn`t get to do everything they get to do. Today, for instance, he really wanted to practice with Big Son`s 5th and 6th grade soccer team, and it was hard to convince him that it was a bad idea. Little Son attends a very trendy preschool two half-days a week -- I just happened to inquire about openings the very day they had a cancellation. He is the only kid there who transferred from fulltime daycare to part-time preschool, so instead of the usual separation issues, he is upset that he has to leave at noon and can`t go everyday to play with his new friends.
I hated Tokyo -- the crowds, the pollution, the prices. But I had a community there. We were active in our neighborhood groups. Our kids used to go out and play at the park, all by themselves, with no parent in tow -- kindly old shopkeepers knew my kids` names, and yelled at them if they saw them doing anything bad. I had friends I could go out drinking with, and complain about my husband, mother and children without worrying about what kind of impression I was making. I had a job I liked, a babysitter/housekeeper who was like a family member, great public schools and public daycare. And two months before we found out we were leaving, we bought an apartment and moved into our very first home. We hadn`t even finished unpacking.
Now we`re here, where the air is clean, though foggy. We can breathe. We own not one but two cars, and with a generous subsidy from my husband`s employer, we are renting a lovely home in a million dollar neighborhood. Okay, that last part means NOTHING, because it describes much of SF nowadays, but doesn`t it sound impressive? Seriously, though, the house is lovely -- about 5 times bigger than our Tokyo apartment, which was tiny. I have traded the stress of the working world for the placid life of a stay-at-home mother. (Ha ha ha, that`s a joke. Really. )
Our life is brighter and shinier than ever, and yet.... we haven`t made those connections that will eventually let us feel as if we belong here. My kids and I are in an advanced state of culture shock. I am homesick for a city I hated, where I had a life. My kids are bewildered and stressed. Will this get better? Will we adjust? Will my kids ever think of themselves as Americans, or will they always be misplaced Japanese? Stay tuned.....
We now live in San Francisco, after leaving our home in Tokyo three months ago. Hence, my title -- "Homesick Home." We are all homesick here. Or rather, most of us are -- ironically, my Japanese husband (to be known as "Hub") isn`t homesick at all. He`s zipping around in his Saab, loving his job, eating at expensive sushi bars in Sausalito while I`m eating turkey dogs with the kids. Big Son is 10, Daughter is 8, and Little Son is 3. I thought about calling them "Big Brother, Sister, and Little Brother," to describe how they relate to each other instead of to me. But "Big Brother" conjures up 1984 images, and "Sister" would get confusing, because the older two now go to Catholic school, and I`m sure I`ll be writing here about some of the nuns.
Hub told me he`ll be reading my blog, but I don`t believe him. Before quitting my job to follow him on his overseas job transfer, I was a journalist. As far as I know, in 15 years he only read one of my articles, and it happened to be a Wall Street Journal story with a typo in the headline -- Tokyo was mispelled "Toyko." Their fault, not mine -- but so much for the clip.
Big Son misses Tokyo the most. He calls his best friend almost every week. He has trouble with the homework because he reads behind grade level in English (he attended a public elementary school in Tokyo for the past 3 years). He claims all of the kids in his new class hate him, although some of the mothers of the other boys have told me otherwise and I always hear boys saying hello and goodbye to him. But he is angry and frustrated about suddenly leaving his old life, and I can certainly relate, because I feel the same way. He is miserable, and wants everyone within a 10 mile radius to be miserable, too.
Daughter loves her new school. She misses her old friends, but they`ve already been replaced with new friends. Her English is even worse than Big Son`s, and yet this doesn`t bother her -- she just smiles sweetly and asks someone to help her read whatever she can`t. She will go through life getting men to buy her drinks, diamonds and yachts. I was not at all like her, when I was 8. I have trouble understanding her sometimes -- what do I do with a kid like this? All I can do is love her, and hope for the best.
Little Son is stubborn but good-natured. He thinks he`s equal to the other two, and doesn`t understand why he doesn`t get to do everything they get to do. Today, for instance, he really wanted to practice with Big Son`s 5th and 6th grade soccer team, and it was hard to convince him that it was a bad idea. Little Son attends a very trendy preschool two half-days a week -- I just happened to inquire about openings the very day they had a cancellation. He is the only kid there who transferred from fulltime daycare to part-time preschool, so instead of the usual separation issues, he is upset that he has to leave at noon and can`t go everyday to play with his new friends.
I hated Tokyo -- the crowds, the pollution, the prices. But I had a community there. We were active in our neighborhood groups. Our kids used to go out and play at the park, all by themselves, with no parent in tow -- kindly old shopkeepers knew my kids` names, and yelled at them if they saw them doing anything bad. I had friends I could go out drinking with, and complain about my husband, mother and children without worrying about what kind of impression I was making. I had a job I liked, a babysitter/housekeeper who was like a family member, great public schools and public daycare. And two months before we found out we were leaving, we bought an apartment and moved into our very first home. We hadn`t even finished unpacking.
Now we`re here, where the air is clean, though foggy. We can breathe. We own not one but two cars, and with a generous subsidy from my husband`s employer, we are renting a lovely home in a million dollar neighborhood. Okay, that last part means NOTHING, because it describes much of SF nowadays, but doesn`t it sound impressive? Seriously, though, the house is lovely -- about 5 times bigger than our Tokyo apartment, which was tiny. I have traded the stress of the working world for the placid life of a stay-at-home mother. (Ha ha ha, that`s a joke. Really. )
Our life is brighter and shinier than ever, and yet.... we haven`t made those connections that will eventually let us feel as if we belong here. My kids and I are in an advanced state of culture shock. I am homesick for a city I hated, where I had a life. My kids are bewildered and stressed. Will this get better? Will we adjust? Will my kids ever think of themselves as Americans, or will they always be misplaced Japanese? Stay tuned.....
posted by L. at 11:05 AM
6 Comments:
Hey, L. you're back online. Your new url is http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.com
I couldn't recover your comments.
I told you last night that as you celebrate your blog just remember that kinky is a feather, perverted is the whole chicken.
Just in case you didn't read it before it disappeared into internet ether. That was really weird.
I officially welcomed you once again on "granny" with your new improved address just in case someone tries to use the old one.
Good luck getting everyone adjusted. Ten year-old boys are hard work enough without throwing a huge move into the picture!
I stumbled across your blog for the first time. It felt so good to read this piece about your move and how homesick you felt (even though you wrote it a year ago). It touched a cord, because that's what I'm going through right now! Its nice to be able to relate to someone in a time like this :)
I was just doing a search for homesick and married and came across your blog. As I truly feel for you, it is really nice to see that I am not alone. Though I didn't come from another country (not quite sure if you did), it seems as if I did. I came from CA myself, although it was quite a bit north (Redding/Weaverville), and I now live in Cleveland, OH. I sincerely hope that you have found a way to make a happy life for yourself since starting this site.
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